[Book Review] We Need To Talk About Kevin (2003)

Becoming a mother has always been revered as one of the most exciting and life-defining moments for a woman, which holds true in many senses, but the reality of having your entire life changed and defined by another isn’t going to be magical all the time.

The reality is that many women struggle when they become mothers; suddenly they are seen in the eyes of the world as a mother and not who they really are, their life becomes devoted to the child, there’s hormones, emotions, sleep deprivation, the list of struggles is endless. What Lionel Shriver does in her book We Need To Talk About Kevin is to grab that concept with both hands and present to the reader the bond a mother has for her son, even when it’s negative and something that completely destroys her life. 

We Need To Talk About Kevin is written from the perspective of Eva, in first person letters which are addressed to her husband who has now moved on with his life and started a new one. The reader quickly discovers that Eva has a son called Kevin, that committed one of the most atrocious crimes, a brutal high school shooting massacre. There are no secrets hidden about what Kevin did, instead the story simply reads from Eva how she always had a fraught bond with Kevin ever since he was a baby, and even when Eva was carrying him in the womb; motherhood wasn’t quite what she expected and it culminated in an act that eradicated everything around her. 

Shriver doesn’t pansy to the audience and tone down Eva’s thoughts and feelings on motherhood and the true reality of her feelings, instead Shriver embraces it throughout and presents the reader with a raw and gritting insight into Eva and what she really thought and thinks about being a mother. At times it feels devastating to read how one woman could simply be so far removed from the supposed euphoric feelings of entering into motherhood, however the book depicts deep rooted reasons and allows the reader to understand exactly why Eva felt the way she did. Hearing Eva express her feelings to her ex-husband about the intimacy of their relationship, the struggles between communication, the arguments and the good moments allows the reader to easily pull on similar life experiences. As humans we hold back our full emotions and opinions, but in Eva’s letters to her husband she goes into brutal detail about the truth of her feelings in every scenario, even detailing how being pregnant wasn’t the most exhilarating experience of her life, and instead something that made her constantly feel miserable. 

Throughout We Need To Talk About Kevin, the main focus is on how expectations in the real world don’t always fathom to the fairy tales we expect on paper. As a woman, motherhood has always been defined by society as something detrimental to cementing yourself as a woman in the eyes of those around you and also the most magical time of your life. This may ring true for many, however for some this couldn’t be farther stretched from the truth and Shriver explores the very real territory of how some women just don’t like being mothers. In Eva’s case becoming a mother to Kevin was something that completely ruined her career, her body, her freedom and all for nothing, because her bond with Kevin did not quite develop like the movies showed; instead it was always tumultuous and tragic, with Eva looking upon Kevin with disdain and resentment for the life he burned to the ground. To present motherhood in such an unflinching and uncharacteristic way has heightened the controversy around the book; not only does it look at the aftermath of a massacre, but also how motherhood just isn’t the most wonderful thing in the world for all women. 

As a woman without children, this is a frightening read but one that feels like it reads my insecurities and my fears about motherhood. What if I don’t love my child? What if I don’t like being a mother? What if it’s tough and horrible and can’t ever escape being someone’s mother? These questions around motherhood are real for all women, but often not spoken about. They are the questions you keep to yourself as you lay in bed with a tiny creature relentlessly kicking into your ribs and making sleep non-existent. Which is why We Need To Talk About Kevin is so enthralling and compelling to read, because it feels as if Shriver is just exploring a reality that women think about but never verbally express, especially not to their partners if they don’t want to be judged for such negativity. 

We Need To Talk About Kevin might be one of the most devastating, depressing and bleak books to read but as a woman it feels like an essential piece of reading. Shriver finds the words to express difficult feelings, and ones that are typically confined to our darkest and most private thoughts. It provides a sense of emotional realism that is easy to connect with, and provides the reader with a glimpse into the realities of motherhood, and what happens when you’re the mother of a mass murderer. Leaving the reader with the question of whether Kevin’s actions were a manifestation caused by nature or nurture?

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