[Film Review] A Classic Horror Story (2021)

A woman covered in blood and cuts writhes in panic and pain as she struggles to release herself from the straps and gag that both bind and silence her. A Norman-Bates-like eye peers through from the other side of the wall watching, as does an animal head that looms above creating an immediate sense of deep discomfort. We are watching A Classic Horror Story, directed by Roberto De Feo and Paolo Strippoli.  

Before we can get our bearings, the tone rapidly shifts as we watch an RV gliding down an open and isolated road in a recollection of 70s horror classics The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (Tobe Hooper, 1974) and The Hills Have Eyes (Wes Craven, 1977). The group within are handily introduced to us by a carpool app followed by a video blog of Fabrizio (Francesco Russo) who happens to be a film studies student. Along for the ride is Sofia, a 3D jewellery store owner and her English boyfriend Mark (Will Merrick), Ricardo (Peppino Mazzotta), a doctor with a looming mistake that cost him dearly and Elisa (Matilda Lutz, who gave an unforgettable performance in Coralie Fargeat’s 2017s’ Revenge), a consultancy student. While they might be kicking back enjoying a few beers in the back of the van, the stirring string-based score and the blackened eyes and mouths of a family advertising milk on a passing billboard, signal otherwise. 

En-route to their multiple destinations, amidst chatter about the mafia and the local mayor who Fabrizio purports to be doing a good job of cleaning up the streets, the group have to make a stop as Elisa experiences nausea. As she leans against a wall that is marked with a red ring and a white heart shape, we recognise this as a sure sign that they have entered a danger zone. Intoxicated with beer, Mark insists upon driving and soon their journey through heavily wooded roads masked in the dark of the night is brought to a halt as they collide with an animal. The accident results in Mark suffering a serious leg injury but with the help of Doctor Ricardo and some tent poles, a temporary splint is put in place. The group stumble upon a house that looks like a combination of the cabin from The Evil Dead (Sam Raimi, 1981) and the beautiful tepee-shaped structures in Midsommar (Ari Aster, 2019). However, no one is to be found inside and with the van now refusing to start, friction begins to simmer as they realise they are now: ‘in the middle of the woods’. 

Fabrizio and Ricardo wander through the woods (the low camera angle giving Evil Dead vibes) where they encounter a strange and unsightly structure consisting of heads, twigs and bones embellished with the title: ‘The Three Knights of Honour’. Meanwhile, Elisa ventures into the house again and finds evidence of rituals and more white candles than a nineties music video. She also spots murals that Fabrizio recognises from a story his Grandmother told him as a boy; namely the legend of Osso, Mastrosso and Carcagnosso which involved gruesome sacrifices. ‘You don’t get something for nothing’ he utters as he relays the tale to a captive audience. 

Despite multiple attempts, mobile phone signals are not available and soon after the RV van disappears, leaving the group with no other choice but to take refuge in the house. But within its walls is a dark and unbelievable secret which, once found, triggers a deafening alarm. It is as though whoever is watching the group knows they have made the gruesome discovery.  Before long, a hooded assembly arrive and Mark is subjected to a Misery (Rob Reiner, 1990) hobbling scene homage that with its masked figures and grizzly torture devices, blends notes of folk and extreme horror. As the group recover from dramatic events and huddle closely together, they exchange stories which reveal their vulnerabilities and flaws, creating a sense of sharing something intimate both between them and with the audience. 

On their second night, Elisa and Fabrizio wake to a horrifying and nightmarish spectacle. In a moment of raw horror, the flowered heart from the beginning of the film makes a reappearance, this time in the form of a mask. Fabrizio advises Elisa: ‘not to look’, a remark which seems equally designed to dare us not to avert our gaze, but she ignores this suggestion, opting to watch as the terror unfolds before her. In the first of many gorgeous and unpredictable twists, we learn that one of the party might not be who they seem. But are suspicions based in truth or just the paranoid thoughts of people losing their minds in a violent and traumatic situation? 

The tone shifts again when things go full on Texas Chainsaw, meshed with splatterings of the nature-filled brightness of Midsommar when a meal is served, and the head of the table is an unexpected guest. After the darkness of the first two acts, it's hard not to cling to the soft colours of the final act for hope, but there is little reassurance to be found. Just when things steady a little, a final and chilling revelation occurs bringing to mind The Cabin in the Woods (Drew Goddard, 2012) probing into much-explored questions about violence and complicity, which concludes with an amusing and uplifting homage to Poltergeist (Tobe Hooper, 1982) 

But A Classic Horror Story is not done with us yet, it might have plunged the knife deep into our flesh but it positively revels in the horrifying glory of wiggling it about for a while before pulling it out again in a harrowing, goosebump-inducing reveal. A sprawling thrill ride that combines tasteful and clever homages with horror that will rip your heart out and hand it back to you barely still beating, De Feo and Strippoli have created a horror film that leaves your mouth dry, your pulse racing and your fingers trembling with nerves as the final credits roll. 

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